Thoughts on Negativity: An Addendum

Last month I wrote:

My pastor has convinced me that I need to be more positive. Not in a "New-Agey" kind of way, of course; nor in a "Pollyanna" kind of way. Rather, in my opinions and polemics especially, I tend to be forceful in what I'm against; the result being that people are less willing to receive what I have to say. I agree with him, though I admit that in practice it is much more difficult than it sounds

As I experiment more with being positive in debates even with people who aren't as smart as I am whom I strongly disagree with, I'm seeing the observations of my pastor put into practice.

Case in point, I was debating (what else?) Calvinism online, against this one guy (I assume it's a guy) who was saying some things which were utterly ridiculous seemed illogical to me. For example: 

You calvinists limit God [by] just thinking that he controls everything and that's it.

And that kind of thing.

Anyway, at one point I frankly expressed my opinion totally lost it and ripped apart the bad logic, presuppositions, poor use of scripture, etc., which led to his imposition of "free-will" on some unsuspecting Bible verses. The response I got back from him was totally out of order of the same kind; scoffing in tone, he even expressed doubt as to whether I was saved.

I debated continuing my assault on his bad arguments, but in a rare expression of good judgment, I decided to become more respectful. And I was pleasantly surprised when he responded in an equally respectful tone.

Now, most of you are probably wondering what the big deal is here. But, call it my pride, call it stubbornness, call it what you will, it was actually a) surprising to me that he didn't instantly repent of his bad logic and come over to my point-of-view when I slapped him around verbally, and b) it is difficult for me to accept that if I make a conscious effort to be respectful even when dealing with idiots those whom I disagree with, then and only then will they listen to what I have to say.

It is actually remarkable the change that came over this guy when I changed my tone: before, he was doubting my salvation, implying I hadn't spent much time studying the Bible, etc., basically sounding very "spiritual". But afterward, he was willing to discuss with me; he said he would be "happy" to hear my reply; he hoped that by talking we would both come to better understanding of the issue.

So, what is common knowledge to most is earth-shattering revelation for me: that when you're nice to people, they'll be nice back. I still believe that strong language and sarcasm are good and necessary; but I need to be more selective in where I apply them. This is one of the many ways in which the Lord Jesus needs to conform me to His image. Debate and disagreement are normal and useful for learning; but only when people actually listen to each other. And people only listen when they aren't defending themselves.

So, OK, maybe my Pastor is on to something here; maybe common wisdom is actually worth listening to in this case. Maybe I should be nice in debates more often from now on.

Maybe I'll start tomorrow...