Thoughts on Negativity: An Addendum

Last month I wrote:

My pastor has convinced me that I need to be more positive. Not in a "New-Agey" kind of way, of course; nor in a "Pollyanna" kind of way. Rather, in my opinions and polemics especially, I tend to be forceful in what I'm against; the result being that people are less willing to receive what I have to say. I agree with him, though I admit that in practice it is much more difficult than it sounds

As I experiment more with being positive in debates even with people who aren't as smart as I am whom I strongly disagree with, I'm seeing the observations of my pastor put into practice.

Case in point, I was debating (what else?) Calvinism online, against this one guy (I assume it's a guy) who was saying some things which were utterly ridiculous seemed illogical to me. For example: 

You calvinists limit God [by] just thinking that he controls everything and that's it.

And that kind of thing.

Anyway, at one point I frankly expressed my opinion totally lost it and ripped apart the bad logic, presuppositions, poor use of scripture, etc., which led to his imposition of "free-will" on some unsuspecting Bible verses. The response I got back from him was totally out of order of the same kind; scoffing in tone, he even expressed doubt as to whether I was saved.

I debated continuing my assault on his bad arguments, but in a rare expression of good judgment, I decided to become more respectful. And I was pleasantly surprised when he responded in an equally respectful tone.

Now, most of you are probably wondering what the big deal is here. But, call it my pride, call it stubbornness, call it what you will, it was actually a) surprising to me that he didn't instantly repent of his bad logic and come over to my point-of-view when I slapped him around verbally, and b) it is difficult for me to accept that if I make a conscious effort to be respectful even when dealing with idiots those whom I disagree with, then and only then will they listen to what I have to say.

It is actually remarkable the change that came over this guy when I changed my tone: before, he was doubting my salvation, implying I hadn't spent much time studying the Bible, etc., basically sounding very "spiritual". But afterward, he was willing to discuss with me; he said he would be "happy" to hear my reply; he hoped that by talking we would both come to better understanding of the issue.

So, what is common knowledge to most is earth-shattering revelation for me: that when you're nice to people, they'll be nice back. I still believe that strong language and sarcasm are good and necessary; but I need to be more selective in where I apply them. This is one of the many ways in which the Lord Jesus needs to conform me to His image. Debate and disagreement are normal and useful for learning; but only when people actually listen to each other. And people only listen when they aren't defending themselves.

So, OK, maybe my Pastor is on to something here; maybe common wisdom is actually worth listening to in this case. Maybe I should be nice in debates more often from now on.

Maybe I'll start tomorrow...

Thoughts on Negativity

1. My pastor has convinced me that I need to be more positive. Not in a "New-Agey" kind of way, of course; nor in a "Pollyanna" kind of way. Rather, in my opinions and polemics especially, I tend to be forceful in what I'm against; the result being that people are less willing to receive what I have to say. I agree with him, though I admit that in practice it is much more difficult than it sounds. 
2. In a similar vein, I came across an online news article from this past April entitled, "Strange but True: Emotion Expressed as Negativity is Bane of Blogosphere". How true. Even as I survey my recent posts, it sounds very much like I'm angry all the time. Many bloggers, myself included, use blogging as an outlet to "vent" a lot of negative thoughts about various things. How many of the comment threads in cyberspace become lengthy only because people are arguing? I myself need to learn when argument is necessary and/or constructive, versus it being done to satisfy a sinful need to feel superior, without the parties involved ever attempting or desiring to understand the other side of the issue. Read the section entitled "INTJ Personal Growth" in the My Personality section of my blog for more of my personal challenges on this issue. 
3. I received a comment recently, after leading worship one Sunday and using what some people considered an overabundance of songs in minor keys (I used two). It is interesting how minor modes are often associated entirely with negativity - indeed, I myself tend to think that only songs of lament and anger should be in minor keys. Yet, the minor key provides melodies that can be haunting, gripping and very memorable, without necessarily being coupled with "negative" lyrics. Ancient Jewish culture, for example, used minor modes extensively for all sorts of lyrics expressing all manner of emotions. It would be an interesting experiment to couple "happy" lyrics with a gripping minor melody. 
4. In a recent post, I used the word "hate". As my pastor pointed out, "them's fightin' woyds!" An interesting debate - is the word "hate" un-Christian? "Hate" is a strong word, to be sure, but it expresses a strong emotion. It is negative, yes, but is it excessive? So, to rephrase the question, is negativity appropriate, and if so, in what measure? Who decides how much negativity is too much? 

I'll try to post some "positive" thoughts soon, to balance out the fightin' words that have characterized recent posts.