Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?

I've come to question the common catchphrase, "honesty is the best policy" in the last while, because it seems to me that very people have the emotional strength to handle my honesty.

What I mean is,  I'm often asked "what I think" about this or that. Sometimes this puts me in a difficult position - my truly honest opinion will likely offend or hurt them, but I can't honestly answer the question otherwise. The only other alternative is to avoid the question either through clever deflection (which never seems to work) or through outright refusal - which makes people more curious than before.

Some examples - a friend recently asked me for a discussion about Rob Bell - creator of the NOOMA video series and author of Velvet Elvis and other books. Anyone who knows me is aware that I think Rob Bell is a heretic - and I don't mean that to be hyperbole, I honestly believe he preaches a false gospel that leads people to hell. My friend and I began the discussion at the appointed time, but it started out as shooting the breeze, life updates, etc, as if she was avoiding the topic of Mr. Bell. When I finally broached the subject of Rob Bell with her, the conversation quickly went downhill. She had asked for this conversation, remember; and not only that, but she had done so in a way which sounded like she almost agreed with me and saw where I was coming from. Yet, when we talked and I reiterated my opinion on the subject, she became angry and upset, going so far as to call me an "arrogant prick" at one point.

Then this morning, in a church staff meeting, when my pastor kept using the phrase "planting a seed", I started cringing every time it was used. I realized very quickly that I hated that phrase. Someone else in the meeting asked about the phrase, so I mentioned I had a distaste for it. My pastor asked me why, so I gave him my honest opinion - essentially, I thought the phrase was utterly needless "Christian-ese". The discussion continued for a while, and at one point my pastor mentioned that he was feeling a bit defensive (since I had challenged a phrase which he held dear and used often). Now, I respect my pastor and his opinion. And I might be wrong about "planting seeds". But once again, I was asked my opinion, I answered truthfully, and someone got upset (almost).

So, what to do? I'm an opinionated person, and I love debates, discussions, arguments. Honestly, it's where I thrive, and it's how I learn. By forcing others to justify their beliefs while being forced to justify mine, I believe both parties come to better understanding of an issue. But most people can't seem to handle the kind of blunt honesty and air of definiteness that I have (I don't describe myself thus on my own authority - many other people have said that to me). They don't understand that the moments when I appear to be trying to attack and destroy someone's beliefs are the moments which I am most willing to learn - I want to be challenged, argued with, even attacked, with a sound, reasoned defense. That is how I learn.

But not everyone learns that way - in fact, in talking with my pastor, it seems most people in the world don't operate that way. It may sound foolish to most people, then, when I say that that fact is mind-boggling to me: it is so normal to shut my personal emotions down and operate on a purely logical level. The fact that most people can't understand where I'm coming from when I do this has always baffled me, and now I understand a bit more why.

By God's Grace, may I continue to fight for what I believe, but do so in a way which people are willing to receive.